Why Do Narcissists Hoover You?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex psychological condition characterized by an excessive need for admiration, lack of empathy, and a sense of entitlement. One of the most perplexing behaviors exhibited by narcissists is known as “hoovering.” Hoovering refers to the act of a narcissist recontacting an ex-partner or someone they have emotionally manipulated after a period of separation or rejection. This article delves into the reasons behind why narcissists hoover and how it affects the victims.
1. The Need for Control
One of the primary reasons narcissists hoover is the need for control. After a relationship ends, narcissists may feel a loss of power and control over the other person. Hoovering allows them to regain a sense of control by manipulating the ex-partner into reengaging with them. By doing so, they can continue to exert influence over the victim’s emotions and life, ensuring they remain the center of attention.
2. The Fear of Being Alone
Narcissists often struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. The fear of being alone exacerbates these feelings, leading them to hoover their ex-partners. By reconnecting with someone they have previously manipulated, narcissists can alleviate their anxiety and provide themselves with a temporary sense of companionship.
3. The Desire for Validation
Narcissists crave validation and admiration from others. Hoovering serves as a means to obtain this validation by convincing their ex-partner that they are still desired and needed. This validation reinforces their fragile self-esteem and helps them maintain their narcissistic persona.
4. The Belief in Their Own Superiority
Narcissists often believe they are superior to others and that they deserve special treatment. Hoovering allows them to remind their ex-partner of their “specialness” and to assert their superiority. This behavior helps narcissists maintain their delusional belief that they are worth more than others.
5. The Need to Fix What They’ve Damaged
Narcissists may hoover their ex-partners in an attempt to fix the damage they have caused. They may believe that by reconnecting, they can somehow undo the hurt and restore the relationship. However, this is often an exercise in futility, as narcissists are unlikely to change their behavior and may continue to harm the victim.
6. The Fear of Being Exposed
Narcissists hoover to avoid being exposed for their manipulative and harmful behavior. By reconnecting with their ex-partner, they can prevent the victim from sharing their experiences with others and from seeking support. This helps narcissists maintain their facade and avoid accountability for their actions.
Conclusion
Hoovering is a distressing behavior that can have severe consequences for the victims. Understanding the reasons behind why narcissists hoover can help individuals recognize the manipulative tactics employed by these individuals and seek help for themselves or others. It is crucial for victims to distance themselves from narcissistic hoovers and seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to heal from the emotional trauma caused by these manipulative behaviors.
